Ziploc big bags are AWESOME!

So, I finished cleaning J's clothes out of the closet (Except his leftover shoes and his suit jackets). Then I used another bag to seal all of my lingerie into, because let's face it- I won't need that while I am still living here. I was also thinking of my sweaters and flannel PJ's, but then I don't know how cool the nights will get so I might just leave them, I don't know.
I think I found about 30 different socks of J's though, most of them not matching. I hope he isn't wearing mismatched socks, he never was good at things like that (kidding!).
I washed the couch cushion cover today. After I pick up K from school, Myra told me to pick up a thing of ammonia and pour it onto the cushion itself, and then pour white vinegar on it and allow it to dry and it should remove the pee smell. She said she has had to do it a couple times, once on the couch she has now and you can't even smell it when you lay down so YAY!

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How did it get to this point? How do you go from swearing to love someone for the rest of your life to where you cannot, by law, even talk to them?

I was doing so well last night, and this morning. Then I get back to this house and I just lose it. I just ate a muffin K made...that's the first thing I have eaten all day. I can't stop crying, sobbing is more like it. My whole body hurts, shaking. I am pissed, sad- any emotion you can name I am feeling. Sometimes I wish I could hate him, it would make it much easier....maybe.

I cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom. I got rid of all liquor we had. I ran across J's black folder from 2004. That was fun. We missed our 1st anniversary and now we'll miss our 5th. I put some stuff in a box and took it out to the garage. Just stuff I didn't like when it was in our closet, sure as hell not going to keep it now.

I need to get rid of this cat. It can be nice but for the most part it just stays under my bed. I'm hoping J will take it. Not sure if he wants the dog to stay with him or to stay here.

Having a pity party...

4 days

Today is my fourth day without a drink, and the first one that I actually wanted one. I think it is because I am bored and stressed more than wanting the drink.
Last night and this morning I had a really good feeling. I felt good about things. That all changed about 10:30, and everything I did this afternoon just broke my heart.

Then I get back to my Mom's house, where it is just me and my daughter, and quiet and lonely. I think I am having small anxiety attacks on top of my crying fits. I also think I screwed up my eye from too much crying if that is possible...of course it might be from the other reason, either way it looks like it is bleeding.

I am a mess. I want to just go to bed and cry myself to sleep, but have to be strong for K.

Hardest thing ever

I just witnessed the most heartwrenching thing ever. I walked into my bedroom closet and saw Jason's side mostly empty. It broke my heart, and I started sobbing uncontrollably. Of course the jerk had to put on cologne before leaving so it smelled like him :(

As I looked into the back yard, I again started crying thinking of the things we would never see together. The peas that we planted, the strawberries. We were both so looking forward to the summer since last summer was a piece of shit, however we won't get to experience it.

Side note...

I might have to change my name. 2 days sober... I don't ever want to see another drink. It ruined my marriage.

Can't sleep...

The futon at my Mom's sucks. It is so damn uncomfortable. I want to be back home in bed...1 week ago.

Can't do this...

I know they say to be strong, it's all for the best. I know they are right, but it doesn't feel that way. There's the tightness in my chest, the pounding in my head. I wish to God I could have a do-over.
I do love him. I honestly wish him the best in the future.
It just sucks because he was my best friend too. The first one I call when something is funny, sad or I was just bored. I think that's the hardest part.

The end of a bumpy but mostly good run...

My marriage is over. I am so heartbroken. It is for the best, I am tired of being hurt.

Got her!

So, after an in-depth apology and admitting he was an ass, we went to get my puppy.


She is so sweet. She follows me everywhere. She sits on the back of the couch behind my head, or in my lap. When I get up to go in the kitchen, she's right under my feet.
Yes, I am the type to dress up my dog.

WTF?

This won't make much sense, I am pissed and just need to vent.

So I wake up to pee this morning. That, apparently, was my first mistake. J starts a fight, going off on me about my Mother's Day present. Apparently him and my Mom found me a dog. And now I am going to have to suffer. Why does he have to rub it in my face time and time again? This is such bullshit and I am so sick of it.
For one, I never asked for a dog. J makes it seem that I begged for one. We watched a friend of ours mini schnauzer and I loved her. So J started looking to get me one. I told him that if I was to get one, I wanted a yorkie. So my Mom found one online that a lady needs to get rid of. Apparently J told my Mom that he would pay for it.
So, since J is stressed ( I guess), he takes it out on me. Told me that I didn't deserve a present. That I sat around on my lazy ass all day and begged for a dog that he now has to pay for . Thanks for ruining my Mothers Day present asshole.

Grand Theft Auto

I/m not going to lie. I was at Gamestop at midnight. I bought it, stayed up until 4:30am and only slept 3 hours and have been playing it since.It's almost midnight the next night... I need some sleep.... but it is hard to pull myself away.

Leaving....

From here:

To here:


I am leaving Friday to go visit my Aunt, who is also my best friend, up in Spokane, WA. There is an event called Bloomsday, and we are going on a 7 mile walk.

J will get to hang out with the kids. Don't know how I will stand to be away from the kiddos, and as much as I will miss J, the break is definetly needed as he is about to die a mysterious death.

GRRRRR.....

OK, upon hearing I got a new car, EVERY man has asked if J gets a BJ now. Ummmmm-why?

First of all, he wanted the car as much IF not more than I did. He didn't want to give up his 4Runner and by me having a nice car, he still gets to drive it.

Secondly, J and I have seperate bank accounts. I pay 1/2 the bills and he pays 1/2 the bills. By having his Mom's car that was completely paid off, he was going to take over more of the bills to help me out since I am unemployed. BUT- with the new car, he will just resume the car payment. (We were still paying the car payment on the green one up until we sold it last month, so there has only been one month without payment.)

So, in summary
*Yes, J picked out the car and is making the payments.
*The new car payment is $30 more than the green one, and since I pay my insurance it will go up also.
*If you look at the money he puts in bills and the money I put in bills they even out.

Am I happy I have a new car? Tremendously. BUT- people, including J, need to stop acting like J "bought me a new car."

My car

I got it today around 1:30, and I go fast... real fast. Scary fast. This is coming from the chic who has a lead foot no matter what she is driving. Maybe I should change the blog to ... Kris gets arrested. .. Kris talks her way out of a ticket...Kris gets a suspended license.

Hmmm... more to follow.

I get my new car today!!!

So, I woke up at 1:00 and J was still watching tv, so then I could not fall back asleep. Fun.

Anyway, so I had a 01 Accord Coupe with 79k miles on it. When we moved J's Mom into assisted living, she gave us her 03 Sedan that was paid off with 4,500 miles on it. Yep- you read it correctly, 4,500. So we sold the 01. The 03 is incredibly basic, and it was hard going from a car that was fully loaded to one completely basic. I may be spoiled, but when you have a 10 and a 12 year old you need atleast automatic locks, or never keep anything in your car worth stealing.

So, J went with his friend to buy a car when he ran into my new car. We sold the silver car and I get to pick up the above today. I have not even seen it,but I trust J.

Things That Piss Me Off

Volume II:

People that walk around like they have never done anything wrong and that they are better than you.

I am sure I will get in trouble for this, but at this point, I don't care.
My example - J and I went out on St Patricks Day and ended up drinking too much. Shocker- that happens on St. Patricks Day. That was the only time we have ever been out with his friend, we'll call him Adnan. Let me say, from the sound of it you would think we were up dancing on tables stripping. But no, our mistake was that we drove home. Yes, incredibly stupid, it's not like it happens all the time.

So now it rolls around to Adnan's birthday party, and he actually writes to J telling him, and I will quote a couple of lines:

*K no getting drunk as shit around my friends though! Gotta behave - no st patricks day rerun! ( No shit? It's a birthday party, not a national drinking holiday)

*We can't behave like that at this place that's all I am saying. Yes it was a tad embarrasing but no I didnt care at the end of the night. Just saying that getting hammered there is not gonna be part of the agenda. I want you to make a good impression with my friends since most have never met you (Again, letting us know this is an upscale establishment, not one we are used to going to. )

*You two just get out of control when you drink that much and I dont want a scene to occur (Oh really, because you have been around us drunk how many times- oh ya- once)

So, Adnan can't figure out what is wrong, and actually said that he may not have meant it that way, 10 people can read a sentence and not take it that way. Really, I am sure 10 people can read this sentence and come up with the fact that you think your shit smells better than everyone else.

To quote my friend after telling her the story: "Nope, I totally agree w/you. That was really rude and uncalled for. I'd be completely offended. The whole "I want you to impress my friends" thing just sounds like he was treating Jason like he's the redheaded stepchild being brought out of the closet around fancy company. WTF??"

So, J was still wanting to go, and I told him go ahead, but I have no interest. I say the dumbest random stuff even when I am sober and am not going to have to double check everything I say the whole night so that I don't embarass Adnan. I am sure he will have a much better birthday party without the "town drunks" there.

It's Friday!!!

So, I changed the rules. Not because I wanted to cheat, but because it made more sense. I have lost 5 pounds just by not drinking, and I even ate chocolate and normal dinners with my family.
So, new rule-drinking on weekends only, and keeping it light.

Today the kids are off school and for some godawful reason I am watching Pokemon. I am about ready to declare Jihad on the tv set.

Things That Piss Me Off

Volume I:

When you make a decision that will help you to better yourself, and you ask someone to support you, yet they are too concerned that this decision will affect their life in a negative way so they don't back you up.

Case in point. I have stopped drinking for the week. I am fine with it, I miss drinking wine when I take a bath, but other than that all is good. HOWEVER - The person who is supposed to be my best friend keeps bringing up alcohol ALL the time. "Do you mind if I have a beer? I am going to have a drink, OK? I don't know what to do, I am bored, let's go to the bar, oh wait, that's right, you can't." CORRECTION- I CAN, I just choose NOT too. THEN- has the nerve to invite me to the bar with him just to hang out.

Now, is drinking really so important that you would rather tamper with what I have set out to do to feel better about myself just so YOU can have some fucking entertainment? It's just pathetic and pisses me off. So it leaves me with going to bed early every night and reading so I can be by myself and not get more and more pissed off.

WTF?

So as I said below, I am trying to eat right and exercise. We wont mention the third, it is too painful.

I need to lose this extra damn 15 pounds. I need to weight what I weighed for 5 years, and what my drivers license says. I don't want it to lie and I will be damned if I go in and change it.

So I am doing my squats and what should happen? My fucking knee goes out. WHY? I try to do everything right and it backfires... I should just give up now.

1 day down, 6 to go... Can I do it?

My 2 favorite things, wine and martinis are banned for 6 more days. I am tired of diet and exercise not doing a lot to help, and I am thinking it is my nightly "friends" that are doing it to me. So I have decided to test it for week with no alcohol, with exercise and a "sensible diet".

The last few days have been crazy with sick kids, sick me, and sick of cleaning.

Three Months and Counting....

If things work out right... for my 5th anniversary, we are returning to Vegas. This time, I know which hotel is my favorite, the Venetian. Plus, I think it will be super cool to be in Vegas for the 4th of July.

Day 4!!!

Day 4 of my diet. So far, so good. The only cheating I have done is drink wine (Um- it's not cheating if I drink it for medicial purposes is it? No? OK, medicinal purposes it is then).

Of course I don't have muh of an appetite right now, as I have been up since 2am with K, who woke up throwing up. We have a big garbage can next to the couch, which is getting a ton of use. She can't hold anything down, poor thing.

I have not been going to the gym this week, but have been spending a large portion of the day cleaning, and I think that is burning off quite a few calories. Yesterday I steam cleaned the downstairs carpets- I know- thrilling!

I AM SUPERWOMAN!!!

We have an extra refrigerator/freezer in the garage, but the handles were on the right, and when I park in front of it, it is very hard to access when my car is in the garage.

So, after waiting for months and months of my husband to switch the doors around so it can be easily accessed, I did it myself. It took a little over an hour, since when I put it back together I put the freezer part on first, although the refrigerator part was supposed to go on first so I had to undo some things.

I am quite proud of my accomplishment!

Tomorrow - My First Day Alone

So, I have been off work for 2 months, J was off at the same time. He started his new job last week, but that was also spring break, so I was still busy with the kids.
Tomorrow though is a different story. I am all alone. And what do I have planned. It is unbelievably exciting. I am going to do a ton of laundry and clean out and reorganize the pantry. No joke.... I am just that cool. Having J at work I can definetly accoomplish more around the house, but I miss happy hour and the peanuts in the cleavage - Mine- Not his.
Tomorrow is also the day that I start excercising again and begin my diet AND start drinking less. Well, atleast 2 of the 3.

OH NO - NOT AGAIN!!!

Some men like the silent type. Some men like the deadly type. Some men like the loud type...me, I am all 3 rolled into one. I have the worst/best diet of vegetables as my main meal. And what do veggies make you do... pass gas.
I just cleared out a husband, 2 kids and 1 dog. The cats didn't care... they probably just wanted to clean me. I want to say that it is embarassing and I am not proud, but I also do not like to lie.

Tattoo

I think I am going to get a new tattoo this weekend.
Here is what it will say...
私は驚くばかりの性交である

The End of The End

So, J starts back to work Wednesday after an extended vacation. Tonight is party night, tomorrow is quiet night. I will finally have the house to myself, yet I am pretty sure I will be lonely as I am only used to having until 11:oo by myself. I made a deal with me that I will clean 1 room a day, since God knows this house is disgusting. Not just a little clean, but a deep scrubbing clean. Yes, I know one of us has been off since September, but one of us is a lazy ass that only likes to look at porn and funny shit.
Again, it is the end of the end, yet we have had Devin, my 16 year old brother, since Thursday I think. Devin is freakin' hilarious, yet he turns Tyler into a doof.
Tonight is sangria night, followed up by J and I drrinking tonight followed up by J being hungover and sleeping til noon or 1:00 and me sleeping until 7:00am.
Life is fun.

Happy Freakin Easter!!

It's Easter! I woke up early this morning to get a fresh start on this beautiful day. Ok, I woke up because J kicked me and told me the cat was scratching at the door. Duh- this is why I wear earplugs to bed- that way you can't hear it.

Stress

So, tomorrow we get to call some Las Vegas attorney's and start up a lawsuit, since the lovely employees of some hotel, knowing they are completely at fault, will not return our calls. I am sure they think we will just go away and not waste out time but you know what? I have nothing better to do BUT waste my time. How dare you not only ruin my vacation, my first trip to Vegas... and, I don't know, for lack of better words, grief, stress, fear... and then not bother to atleast let me know what is going on!

I am declaring Jihad on them and anyone else I can find until I get an answer and they have to pay for it.

Stupid

You ever have stupid arguments, the kind that you can't even BELIEVE they are real because they are just that stupid? You keep waiting for them to crack up and you can literally feel you IQ dropping as you are standing there?

No....hmmm... maybe it is just me.

Monday Monday

It's Monday!!!

Sunday.... Cuz That's My Funday....

Someone we know was abusing Everclear, so we removed 3 gallon bottles from the home.

What happens when life hands you 3 gallons of everclear? Make jelloshots!!! That's the best way, since you can't taste that horrible stuff, plus... sugar-free jello is delicious. This is the ultimate food- no calories. I am sure the trainers at my gym would agree... NO? Maybe they need to get laid. Bastards.

Anyway, it was a yummy delicious batch of goodness, but it was really weak and after having literally "a belly full of jello, I went to bed.

My First EVER Vegas Vacation...

Thursday ... Diet? Ya, I left that at home

Thursday morning, we left early to take the kids to my Mom's house then off to the airport. Once we got there, where did we go? The bar of course (I mean, after all we had 2 hours to kill). We had a couple of drinks, then headed over to go get on the plane, to have some bloody mary's.
We arrived at our hotel, the Mandalay Bay, around 4:30. We changed and headed out. Our first stop was at eyecandy at Mandalay Bay to have our $15 martinis.

Image from Mandalaybay.com



The second stop was:

We walked through our hotel and then up through the strip. With fresh virgin feet, I made fun of J taking the escalators and decided to brave it and laughed and took the stairs. It's official - I am stupid. We ventured as far down as the Bellagio, watched the show and took a cab down to Fremont Street, where we got yummy free drinks and watched the awesome show on the roof of the sidewalk.

On the cabride back, the cab driver gave us free $25 drink tickets each to the Penthouse strip bar (I mean "Gentlemen's Club"), as well as $60 cash to pay our cover. Um- ok. I am all for free drinks. After the strip bar, our coked up cabby took us back to the hotel. Yes, coked up cabby. J had him stop at AM/PM so he could pick up snacks, and the cabby decided to do some coke while J was in there. Yes, digging through your bag, leaning over your lap and taking a huge sniff kinda gives you away. Then look in the mirror and make sure your nose is clean. Good job buddy!!!

We walked the strip some more, until we could not walk again. We hobbled back to our hotel, and J and I seperated somehow. I came around the corner and there was J having a conversation with Danny Bonaduce! His girlfriend Amy was sweet enough to take our picture with him.

After awhile we decided to go to bed. After we got upstairs, J decided he wanted another drink so he went downstairs, and after about 5 minutes I decided to get dressed. When I got to the bottom of the elevator, I had the most bizarre incident occur, but I do not know if I can post it online yet or not. Meaning, that there might be a lawsuit.

After the incident, we came back upstairs, ordered a bottle of wine from room service and took a hot bath and had hot sex overlooking the strip from our 34th floor hotel room.

Friday...

I woke up early and went for a walk, even though my feet were killing me. I talked to my aunt for a couple hours walking around trying to find something to eat, but did not want to eat too much since we were going to Bobby Flay's restaurant, Mesa Grill for lunch. Eventually I talked J into waking up. We walked down to Caesar's Palace, and ate a so-so lunch. I was disapointed in the food. I have been watching Flay for years, and was hoping for something better. The mojito's were awesome though!

We spent the rest of the day walking around the strip, with me almost running into anything and everything because I was looking around like a little kid stuck in a candy store. I even had my very first oyster shooter- a bloody mary one from Harrah's.

We also went to the Dolphin and Lion Habitat at The Mirage, it was so amazing. I love dolphins, so this made my day:

Once we got back, we got to spend a couple more hours with security regarding the previous nights events!

That night we got changed and headed over to LAX Nightclub at the Luxor. I had previously put us on the guest list so we just walked to the front of the line and got in. The main purpose of the event was to get into see Heidi Montag and Steve Sanders from The Hills, they were hosting the event that night.

Photo Courtesy of LAX Nightclub

Photo courtesy of my blackberry

We ended up getting into the VIP area, where the bottles of vodka ranged from $550-1700. Yeah, I will stick with my SF redbull and vodka, thanks though. The bouncer "bounced" some people up and we got to sit down at a table.

It was very crowded, so we decided to get out of there. Right when we were leaving, Paris Hilton and Benji Madden got there. We decided just to go back to Mandalay Bay to hang out in the casino.

...More hot sex.

Saturday...

Woke up this morning...more sex. Not so hot as J had to pee, but sex nonetheless. After I made myself smell yummy like the Mirage Hotel, (It totally smells like pina colada), we went down to "The Beach" to relax by the pool with our frozen concoctions.

The rest of the day was mostly a catch-up day, just walking the strip trying to go to the places we had not been yet. We took the monorail up to Slots a Fun since J wanted a 1/2 pound foot long hotdog. It was so incredibly good, but I didn't quite make it halfway. As we were walking down towards Treasure Island, a windstorm hit with 60-70 mile hour winds. It was crazy, but fun!
I got another pina colada from there, and headed over to The Venetian, then over to Caesar's Palace we could watch the statues. I finished the pina colada, and went for the 48 oz. 1/2 yard margarita...
We saw Pete Rose and Steve someone signing at Field of Dreams in Caesar's. The statue show was lame, but oh well.
Had another oyster shooter, saw the flamingo habitat, saw what I am pretty sure was a cocktail waitress from when The Flamingo first opened as she was freaking old!

We ate dinner at the House of Blues. It was SO unbelievably good. My favorite meal there by far. I had some spicy BBQ chicken dish with veggies, and J had some jambalaya ( I think)

Sunday...Time to go home

Bought tons of presents for the kids. I could not wait to see them, but also did not want the vacation to end. We drove to pick up the kids, and I tried to give my little brother all of the "Collector Cards" that I gathered on the street. 110 in all! My Mom yelled at me, but Devin thought they were cool. He wanted to know why Mom made him give up his "whore cards". NOW THAT was fun. J could always tell when I was getting tipsy, as I would suddenly start taking all of the "freebies" that were offered to me.

I know I forgot to add a lot of things, but it was quite the action packed weekend!!!

I Have Arrived

Being currently unemployed, I need a hobby. Plus, I believe I am annoying everyone around me, so I have decided to take my knack onto the internet.