Monday, May 26, 2008

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How did it get to this point? How do you go from swearing to love someone for the rest of your life to where you cannot, by law, even talk to them?

I was doing so well last night, and this morning. Then I get back to this house and I just lose it. I just ate a muffin K made...that's the first thing I have eaten all day. I can't stop crying, sobbing is more like it. My whole body hurts, shaking. I am pissed, sad- any emotion you can name I am feeling. Sometimes I wish I could hate him, it would make it much easier....maybe.

I cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom. I got rid of all liquor we had. I ran across J's black folder from 2004. That was fun. We missed our 1st anniversary and now we'll miss our 5th. I put some stuff in a box and took it out to the garage. Just stuff I didn't like when it was in our closet, sure as hell not going to keep it now.

I need to get rid of this cat. It can be nice but for the most part it just stays under my bed. I'm hoping J will take it. Not sure if he wants the dog to stay with him or to stay here.

Having a pity party...

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